i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize