how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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