sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
