i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
