i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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