In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
