This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
