I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
