At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
