I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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