Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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