This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
