Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
