when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
