dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
