if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
