If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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