Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
