i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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