i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
