In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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