im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
