the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
