you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
