All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize