Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
