even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
