Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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