I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
