I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
