I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
