I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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