Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
