Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it's like iHOP with fire
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
