i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
