So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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