I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize