Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
