She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
