3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My life is pants optional.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
