Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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