i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
