I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize