Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
