he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
