my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize