2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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