I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
