I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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