I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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