Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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