Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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