guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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