i will never coherently bang her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
