only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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