i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
