The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
