in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize