i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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