WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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