I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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