I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
