we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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