everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
