Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
